Welcome To My Stupid Life!

Winds are blowing, tress are waving by my window with the noise of TV shows from my neighbor's house, I am sitting alone in the dark under the dull sky with the flash light of my laptop filling with tissues of my tears on my bed. Here I am again. I lost track of how many times this has been. I have been miserable since I was at a very young age for the same stupid reason I am now. It has been so long that somehow I forgot what it felt like to be live normally without having to endure anything inside this frustrating body. For the same stupid rules they had been setting out in my life so that they could have all the perfect reputation and status, I seldom complain and endure it for all I can to stick with the flow, yet it bursts out from time to time which is harder to be in control than taking a razor and make a big cut on your vain so that it drains all your blood. I am not a robot, I am a human, I have heart and feelings.

Everyday riding alone on the way back home from school, I never even a little 'want' to enter that particular door I have seen for almost my life. The moment I step out of my car and walk toward that door, I can sense all the anger, violence, money, problems, blames and so on from the distance but I never get to feel the one thing a home can give me, happiness. Being at school, at my relative's house, or anywhere else makes me happier than sitting burring my face with tears in my pillow right here. Isn't there a saying "Home Sweet Home"? I wish I have one which is not here.  

There are numerous times I want to get out of this house and the only way possible is to get married to any rich and wealthy anonymous they prefer me to. I can sacrifice my happiness just to get far away as I can because thinking to the bright side, perhaps I could build my own home with that stranger.

Here I am crying nagging to the technology again for the uncountable times seeking for a place where I belong, somewhere I can truly call Home Sweet Home. . .