Falling in old love slot again
It was after that day I mentioned before that we started to connect together again. First, he never called after then. I was upset I admit. I thought it was too good to be true that everything could change after almost a year apart. That time, I regretted not to send that text I save in my draft which I wasn't dare to send to him. The text was, " We are no longer what we used to be. Please don't do it again." Well, without noticing everything did change after I went fishing with him that day. Things became better, beautiful-er, great-er, bright-er, and sweet-er in my world. On Chinese New Year, I was in Poi Pet but we talked through the phone everyday even when I rang him at 4 in the morning after I came back from the pub. It was sweet! I used to be a fool of myself, well a good fool-er, to imagine about the things I wish I could do with the one I love. To hold him, to hold his hands, to hug him, to say whatever I want to say to him, to see him everyday laughing and smiling in front of me. . . Those are the sweetest things in my wild imagination that I hope I could somehow do it to someone I truly deeply love. Until now do I realize this is love! This is it! Now, I really feel I am walking toward something I wanted so much and that I am in love, a real love. Now I know this is love, the kind of love I want. On Valentine's Day, he gave me the world-can't-buy gift by whispering in my ears, "I love you". That was romantic! Even though we can't think about the future, what we are doing for the best now is for our today. He does love me, he does and baby, I love you too :)
The best or worse of Valentine's Day
Maybe I never mentioned it here that every year of my valentine was quite and peaceful with no flowers, no chasers, no confession, nothing. This year was a start of something new, something I never expected. Three guys confess to me on the same day and it was killing me. I could not handle it. My boyfriend was unhappy, told me to turn down those confession, and made rules that I cannot just accept any flowers or gifts anymore. There are two guys I deeply felt sorry to.
It was after that day I mentioned before that we started to connect together again. First, he never called after then. I was upset I admit. I thought it was too good to be true that everything could change after almost a year apart. That time, I regretted not to send that text I save in my draft which I wasn't dare to send to him. The text was, " We are no longer what we used to be. Please don't do it again." Well, without noticing everything did change after I went fishing with him that day. Things became better, beautiful-er, great-er, bright-er, and sweet-er in my world. On Chinese New Year, I was in Poi Pet but we talked through the phone everyday even when I rang him at 4 in the morning after I came back from the pub. It was sweet! I used to be a fool of myself, well a good fool-er, to imagine about the things I wish I could do with the one I love. To hold him, to hold his hands, to hug him, to say whatever I want to say to him, to see him everyday laughing and smiling in front of me. . . Those are the sweetest things in my wild imagination that I hope I could somehow do it to someone I truly deeply love. Until now do I realize this is love! This is it! Now, I really feel I am walking toward something I wanted so much and that I am in love, a real love. Now I know this is love, the kind of love I want. On Valentine's Day, he gave me the world-can't-buy gift by whispering in my ears, "I love you". That was romantic! Even though we can't think about the future, what we are doing for the best now is for our today. He does love me, he does and baby, I love you too :)
The best or worse of Valentine's Day
Maybe I never mentioned it here that every year of my valentine was quite and peaceful with no flowers, no chasers, no confession, nothing. This year was a start of something new, something I never expected. Three guys confess to me on the same day and it was killing me. I could not handle it. My boyfriend was unhappy, told me to turn down those confession, and made rules that I cannot just accept any flowers or gifts anymore. There are two guys I deeply felt sorry to.
To Chan Beta, I knew that you tried so hard to get to me and showed me that you can gave me everything I want out of love and that you would not hurt me like I used to be. You started off by spying on me for almost a year. You cared, played me songs, gave me flowers, told me jokes, draw me very beautiful pictures of mine, and everything else you can. I tried to show you that we can be only be friends but you always avoid the message continuing to think we could. I inferred you again and again, yet you set it aside again and again. I do not want to be straight to you telling you I do not love you. It is painful. When you confessed to me on Valentine's Day, I was depressed to know that I will let you down by rejecting you. Beta, you are the future bright architecture. You are young and so capable. You deserve more than 'just me'. You will meet the right girl someday. Just do not give up yet!
To my-best-comforter Mony, you are the first guy I shared everything with. I told you my feelings, my stories, and my sadness. I yelled at you, mad at you, and fooled you around with my stupidity, low IQ, and stubbornness, but you were never mad at me and just let me be that. You changed my world a lot. It gets brighter, better, and colorful-er. I never thought I could open up to anyone like this. I started to smile again, laugh again, joke again, and being cute again :) My nights were lighter in the dark, things on my mind started to fade away slowly and slowly, and I started to talk more again. You comforted me, endured me, accompanied me when I am scared, sang me lullaby to bed, shaded my tears away, and put a smile on it. It was the best thing ever! I told you from time to time that someday these will change but you told you that no matter what, you will still be happy to do it. The same thing happened on Valentine's Day. I was speechless and shocked when you gave me that heart shape box of chocolate in front of everyone. I thought about it the whole day. It hurts to know that I was gonna do the same thing to you. Mony, I hate to! I knew that everything will be changed and that I will let you down totally. Remember I used to ask you, "Hate me yet?" You said, "No, never." Now you do! I told you would. You ignore me, turn away from me when I am trying to reach to you, and you won't talk to me. I knew how it felt like for you to face me, so I just walk away from where you are not wanting you to be hard. I do not know how long this will go on but if this is what's best for you to do, I agree with you. I just hope at least we could talk and laugh like before. Mony, do not turn yourself into what you are now because of me. Remember that someday, you will meet another me, your one. Remember that I am happy to see you happy, not like these days :)
Getting through the day realizing something different inside
Everyday of todays, I realize I have no friends. I have been studying at IFL for almost six months by now and I get to know that I do not have any close friends. When I entered class earlier on the first day of the exam, I sat in the middle of an empty row. People were starting to come and when they came in, I looked up to them seeing they were waving. I wish that was to me, but it was not. They went to sit with their friends from corners to corners while I was sitting alone in an empty seats nearby. Although I was pretending to look down on my exam paper, I was peeking at the corner of the eyes to see if at least there was somebody waving and walking toward to fill my nearby empty seat. By then, I realize I do not have any close friends here. None! IT sums up that everyday I go to school studying, playing with myself and getting through the rest of the day with me and my laptop. It is hard to make a good friend, a close one. It is laborious. Many of my old friends at old school are apart now. It is true that people will lose in touch when they get further and further. In life, people come and go. I miss them, I really do. I wonder if they feel the same way for me too.
Getting through the day realizing something different inside
Everyday of todays, I realize I have no friends. I have been studying at IFL for almost six months by now and I get to know that I do not have any close friends. When I entered class earlier on the first day of the exam, I sat in the middle of an empty row. People were starting to come and when they came in, I looked up to them seeing they were waving. I wish that was to me, but it was not. They went to sit with their friends from corners to corners while I was sitting alone in an empty seats nearby. Although I was pretending to look down on my exam paper, I was peeking at the corner of the eyes to see if at least there was somebody waving and walking toward to fill my nearby empty seat. By then, I realize I do not have any close friends here. None! IT sums up that everyday I go to school studying, playing with myself and getting through the rest of the day with me and my laptop. It is hard to make a good friend, a close one. It is laborious. Many of my old friends at old school are apart now. It is true that people will lose in touch when they get further and further. In life, people come and go. I miss them, I really do. I wonder if they feel the same way for me too.
